BRAWL IN THE HALL

This news story caught my attention. Fighting is not nice, but there are amusing elements in the accounts provided by the national and local press. Here are six poems based on the story of the pensioners’ brawl in the hall. The first is a rhyming 6-liner. The other five are all univocalic (each allowed one specified vowel only).

FISTICUFFS at the VILLAGE Hall

A meeting of the parish folk,

Hackles rose as one spoke,

A fight kicked off - two old blokes,

Exchanging blows, risking strokes,

Name calling, spectacles broke,

Blood poured – no joke.

FRACAS AT A HALL

Many watch grand talk,

Alan starts:  Alan snarls at Jack,

Jack stands, backs away, says, ‘Prat!’ at Alan.

‘Damn and Blast that man!’  Alan’s angry.

A brawl starts:

Alan attacks Jack,

Jack smacks back,

Whack – Thwack – Clash – Crash -

A nasty affray.

Alan’s arms cramp,

Glass cracks – Jack’s last straw

An aghast lady calls, ‘Alan, Jack, Stay calm!’

At last, an awkward drama halts.

WHEN MEMBERS MEET

Dexter, Chester:  elected elderly gentlemen,

Cheery Dexter greets every member except Chester,

Chester (dejected) jeers, ‘Pest!’ then self-ejects,

Dexter sees red, ends the meet, decks Chester,

Chester defends endlessly,

Here, there, everywhere,

‘Gents! Gents!’ screeches Helen helplessly,

Dexter seeks revenge, Chester seeks shelter.

Chester needs help; Dexter’s bent Chester’s specs,

Dexter knees Chester, Chester gets wheezy chest.

Then the elderly gentlemen need rest.

Elected members’ new agreement:

Best selves expected, whenever here.

Wild Fight Blights Civic Night

Mr Mighty is vying with Mr High,

Mr High, disliking him, is prickly.

Mr High:  This is mightily dry, Twit!

Mr Mighty:  Zip it, Lippy!

Mr High:  I’m splitting, Prick!

Icy mist, hissy fits,

Fists whip, limbs swing, wrists twist,

Fighting dirty, kicking wildly,

Stinging thick lips; disc slips - high risk,

Killing dignity.

In hindsight – silly.

TOWN YOBBOS

Room of lowly townfolk,

Two old coots – Don, Bob.

Lofty Don - cocky sort, top job – holds forth,

Bob looks gloomy coz Don mostly shows off,

Bob scowls; snorts ‘Cock!’, boldy stomps to door,

Don throws strop, shoots off, clocks Bob on schnoz,

Bob blots blood, throws blows to knock off Don’s block,

Don howls – wonky tooth – Bob won’t stop,

‘Oof!’, ‘Ow!’ Clomp, clonk.

‘Oh no!  Bollocks!’  Bob’s gogs drop onto floor.

Crowd scolds, ‘Cool down!’

Now on porch door:

Stop – no rowdy fools.

CLUB BUST UP

Surly Chump blurts truly unjust stuff,

Sulky Grump mumurs hurtful truths,

‘Shush!’ grunts Chump,

Mud slung by Grump,

Grump jumps up, struts,

Chump hurls punch,

Huffs, puffs, ugly dust-up,

Thumps, bumps, dull crunch,

Chump plus Grump lurch – punch drunk.

Such tumult!

Truthfully:  unfunny