Conniving, surviving, duck-ing and a-diving,

Workshy slyboots, a master of the skiving.

It’s been a terrible night and so I’m calling in sick,

Coming out both ends and my head is feeling thick,

Complete a day of bed rest – that’ll do the trick,

And I must dash now, nature’s calling – click!

Conniving, surviving, duck-ing and a-diving,

Workshy slyboots, a master of the skiving.

I’ve worked a solid fortnight, so I feel a little rough,

I’ll have a cheeky sickie – just a week will be enough,

I forced a whisper on the phone so my voice went gruff,

And I think they all believed me, but if not – tough!

Conniving, surviving, duck-ing and a-diving,

Workshy slyboots, a master of the skiving.

I’m calling to explain why I have to be away,

It’s an all-night toothache – emergency decay,

And the dentist appointment’s in the middle of the day,

I’m trying to get to work now and the bus has been delayed!

Conniving, surviving, duck-ing and a-diving,

Workshy slyboots, a master of the skiving.

Today’s a special birthday so I’m having it off,

I primed them at the office with some masterful coughs,

It’s a well-deserved break – I’ve been grafting very hard,

And they’ve even sent a cake and a birthday card!

Conniving, surviving, duck-ing and a-diving,

Workshy slyboots, a master of the skiving.

I cut myself a slice, and my joy’s in overdrive,

And a restful day beckons - coz I’m very sleep deprived,

It’s amazing what an extra day of rest provides,

And I open up the card that’s only just arrived,

And I have to say I’m very much enjoying this skive,

Until falling from the card I see my P45.

Conniving, surviving, duck-ing and a-diving,

Workshy slyboots, upended by the skiving,

Long time, gone time, judgement day arriving,

Goodbye income - only just surviving,

Freefall diving, ducking and conniving,

Job-destroyed, unemployed, - P45 ing.